Confrontation - On Letting Division Cease (Focus 2 of 5)

Consider this ice breaker as you gather for the Spotlight.
Who is the most interesting conflict in a kids movie that you have seen? You know, where it isn’t just a forced situation but is an actual, interesting, conflict?

See what this Spotlight—and series—is focused on.
Tap on the words "Focus 2" in the image below to read this Spotlight's summary.

Remember what this series is about.
In the first Focus of this series, the idea of an us…you…them progression was introduced.



(While this looks like it has three steps, it actually has five. You have to count the ellipses (…), too. Each step in this progression represents a real change in a relationship.)



This week, the focus is on the second ellipsis, which is the confrontation concept. Even though not all confrontation is wrong, all confrontation from a particular motivation is definitely wrong. What is that motivation? 

Being right.

When confrontation happens just for the sake of fighting to be right, prove yourself right, or prove someone else wrong, it’s not good.


The opposite of confronting-to-be-right is confronting-to-create-unity. When confrontation happens for unity, it is good. It’s also true that when confrontation happens for unity, it’s rare. 

But if you’re going to “let division cease,” you’re going to have to reframe the way you think about confrontation. 

Welcome Perspective
Good confrontation yields unity.

At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

“No one, sir,” she said.

“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

John 8:2–11

Let’s go further into this story.
What did the men do next? After those men dropped their stones and left the woman to live, what do you think they did?


Maybe they learned something and went on to be less judgmental. Or maybe it’s just as likely that they left doubly upset? First at the woman “getting away” with her sin, and second at Jesus outsmarting their attempt to trick him.

How do you respond? Answer these questions for yourself, personally, and try to let real situations come to mind as you think about these scenarios.

• When someone does something you know is wrong but is not corrected.
• When someone thinks or says something wrong but is not corrected.
• When you try to confront someone about something but they don’t seem to get it.
• When you know you’re in the right but you still don’t win.

When you catch yourself thinking and acting like these men, consider another way of handling those situations—one that has a much better rate of success.

You see,
Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.
Brenè Brown

and
You can choose to be right, or you can choose to open the door to change.
Seth Godin

Jesus didn’t want shame for this woman, and he wasn’t concerned with winning an argument. He simply…

1. Got curious enough to listen.
2. Created a safe environment. 
3. Earned trust in his vision for the future.
   
   

What would happen if you applied these steps to one of the situations you thought of during the bullets above?

Before we go any further, it’s important that you know this: You’re not just the judgmental men in this story. You’re also the sinful woman.


Neither do I condemn you.

John 8:11a

As such, Jesus didn’t just say this to the woman. He says it to you.


When and if God confronts you with your sinfulness, it is not so that he can condemn you. This confrontation happens so that God can remind you that he doesn’t condemn you—he loves you and accepts you entirely, no matter what.


Go now, and leave your life of sin.

John 8:11b

For you and the woman, everything changes in Jesus’ promise.

Listen to this song in response.

Worship Perspective
Good confrontation leads away from condemnation.

Let’s talk about motivation.
While it cannot be said with absolute certainty that the song below is about Christianity, there are many parallels you can draw between the sentiments of this song and the reality of Christian living. As you listen, be looking for those parallels and especially for sentiments to which you relate.

(We’ve chosen the song “Heathens” by Twenty One Pilots for this module particularly because of it’s cultural prominence. It was featured on the soundtrack of the highly promoted movie “Suicide Squad” in 2016. It spent 39 weeks on Billboard’s Hot 100 list and broke the record for most weeks at #1 on Billboard’s Hot Rock Songs chart.)

Listen to this song. When you’re done listening, discuss the questions below.

1. Agree/Disagree: These two sections are saying the same thing.


Wait for them to ask you who you know.
Please don't make any sudden moves.
You don't know the half of the abuse.

Heathens (Chorus)

Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.

1 Peter 3:15

2. Agree/Disagree: Living based on these directives from Paul in Romans 15:7-9 will likely lead to situations like these lyrics describe.


(And another, if you’re feeling bold… Agree/Disagree: Both of these sections emphasize the importance of loving people rather than focusing on your differences.)


You're loving on the freakshow
sitting next to you.

You'll have some weird people
sitting next to you.

You'll think "How did I get here,
sitting next to you?"

Heathens (Verse 2)

Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. For I tell you that Christ has become a servant of the Jews on behalf of God’s truth, so that the promises made to the patriarchs might be confirmed and, moreover, that the Gentiles might glorify God for his mercy.

Romans 15:7–9

3. Agree/Disagree: Both of these sections address one of the primary ways in which the church has mishandled newcomers.


We don't deal with outsiders very well.

They say newcomers have a certain smell.

You have trust issues, not to mention
they say they can smell your intentions.

Heathens (Verse 2)

And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.

2 Timothy: 24–26

Watch and take notes on Ephesians 4:25–32.
Take a look through this powerful section on how to approach people.

Learn Perspective
If we can remember why, we can confront well. 

God is a radical listener. Here are a few examples:


But I will call on God, and the Lord will rescue me.
Morning, noon, and night I cry out in my distress, and the Lord hears my voice.

Psalm 55:16–17

You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.

Psalm 56:8

I love the Lord because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy.
Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath!

Psalm 116:1–2

Truly listening is one of the greatest ways you can serve those around you. 30 minutes spent radically listening to someone is almost guaranteed to be better than 30 minutes in front of the TV (or scrolling through social media).

Set aside 30 minutes this week to intentionally, radically listen to someone who needs it. You'll be glad you did.

Confrontation can lead to condemnation, but it doesn’t have to. It can be the place where the us… you… them progression is reversed—and radical listening is part of successful confrontation. 

(Consider continuing on in your exploration of confrontation with the following links:)

• The Radical Listening Project (TedX Talk)
• The Art of “Radical Listening” (Article)
• How to Create Change with Radical Listening (Article)

Feel free to submit a prayer request by filling out the below form.
(If you choose to make your request public, you'll see it display in the Current at the end of the Spotlight along with anyone else who did the same.)

Pray through your requests—together—as a group.
After submitting your requests in the above form, take some time to share with your group whatever requests the group might have for this week.

Pray, using the prompts in this video.

Sing along with (or listen to) this song to close out this Spotlight.
Feel free to sing along or simply listen. Do what makes you comfortable—but do whatever helps you focus on the song's meaning best.

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