Is there a food or beverage that you're confident you just won't ever like no matter how many people push you to enjoy it?

The journey of reconciliation will always include change, including, very often, a change in perception. This is especially true when there is, at least as far as you can tell, no real hope for coming to an understanding with someone and restoring a relationship that has either fallen apart or could just never get going in the first place. In these situations, much of the reconciliation is an internal action, where you reconcile in yourself the discrepancy between the relationship you wish existed and the one that can.

Now that you've answered the Icebreaker, here's another question - this one, about getting along.

Hopefully that makes enough sense to get you started. As you continue into the Worship portion of the Spotlight, pray this prayer together:

Lord,
You know better than most that things don't work out
the ways we might wish they would.
Hearts break, differences feel insurmountable, 
and the kind of unity and harmony 
that should have been simply isn't. 
Come alongside us as we navigate this breaking,
and give us hope and purpose in the grace of moving forward.
Amen.

This series has focused on the idea of reconciliation, but we must face a hard reality: Reconciliation isn't always available, and that can cause real pain. Use the meditation on Psalm 55 below as a way to remind yourself that God does not abandon you in this pain.

It may be helpful to have the Psalm open in front of you as you do this, but note that the verses will not be read in order. For some, that might make having the text more of a distraction. Be judicious - know yourself! 

Though not all relationships can be restored, an important one is, and this hymn text reminds us of that. Sing the song "O Love that Will Not Let Me Go," and notice all the ways it appreciates the God who meets us in the difficult places.

James 3:13-4:3
13 Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. 14 But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. 15 Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. 16 For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.
17 But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18 Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.
1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

With James' encouragement in mind, write a letter of resignation from a relationship that doesn't work. It doesn't have to be a very "present, in-the-moment" active situation necessarily. You can look back on something and have the benefit of distance. Whatever relationship you choose, follow these steps.

1. Spend a few minutes taking quick notes. What do you want to include for sure? 
2. Read through James' words again. What do they add to your letter? 
3. Try to write a draft. 

After 10 minutes, pair up with someone. Talk about what it was like. Share what you want, but don't feel obligated! Thanks for doing this.

If you and your partner have talked it all through, take another look at the James passage. Why do you think the things in verses 17-18 come in that order? 

We’ve been practicing a humble, curious posture toward generations other than our own -noticing what formed them, what they carried, what they got right and wrong. That practice is helped when you have some distance from the generations you're thinking about.

It gets a little harder when you're turning that same quality of attention toward your own generation. We tend to explain other generations in terms of their context. We tend to judge our own by its outcomes.

ON YOUR OWN   4 minutes
Write a brief honest response to each prompt. 
'Don’t overthink it. Your first instinct is probably the truest.

1. What is something your generation is commonly criticized for that you think is more complicated or more understandable than the criticism usually allows?
2. What is something your generation genuinely gets wrong that you find it hard to admit out loud?
3. What is one thing you genuinely admire about your own generation that you don’t hear often enough?

IN PAIRS OR THREES   7 minutes
Share one of your own responses (whichever felt most true or most surprising.)
The others listen without immediately agreeing or disagreeing. 
Once one person shares, reflect back to them what you heard: “What I heard you saying was…” Then move on to the next person.

Close your mini group with this question:
Was it harder to defend your generation, confess for it, or praise it? What does that tell you?

BACK TOGETHER   3 minutes
A few people share not what they wrote, but what surprised them in the exercise.

Close with this thought:
The wisdom James describes, which is impartial and open to persuasion, applies here. Being reconciled to your own generation doesn’t mean defending everything about it or being ashamed of it. It means being honest about what it is: the good, the broken, and the complicated. "Getting along with it" in the truest sense of those words.

You've now completed all the Spotlights of this series, and we at Illume would love your feedback. This form is your way of saying what else might be helpful, what you'd like to visit further, and what you might want to see adjusted.